Sunday, February 5, 2017

Airborne (1993)

IMDb plot summary: Mitchell Goosen is sixteen/seventeen year old kid from California who loves to surf and roller blade. He gets sent to stay with his aunt, uncle, and cousin in Cincinnati, Ohio. When he arrives, he gets on the bad side of the high school hockey players.
Directed by Rob Bowman. Starring Shane McDermott, Seth Green, Brittney Powell, and Chris Conrad.

This movie is way dumb, but kind of endearingly dumb, like Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove. It means so well and is so adorably 90s that it's hard to feel anger or contempt for it like I might for other terrible movies. The best I can muster up is amused condescension. The movie tries a couple times to pretend it's going to be about violence and pacifism (themes I always appreciate) but then it doesn't really connect to those after all because, come on, we've got a rollerblade race to watch. The race scene is actually pretty entertaining, even though it makes zero sense. In fact, none of it makes any sense. We don't really have any kind of story arc. The main character shows up, barely has a crisis, doesn't learn anything, no one around him learns anything, and they all just rollerblade together pretending there's something to fight for. It's a goofy mess and certainly not one I'd recommend to anyone.

1 star.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Airborne < Closer to the Moon
Airborne < Simone
Airborne < The Butter Battle Book
Airborne > The World Is Not Enough
Airborne > Ice Princess
Airborne > The Odd Life of Timothy Green
Airborne > Timeline
Airborne < House on Haunted Hill
Airborne > Band of Outsiders
Airborne > Out of the Past
Airborne > The Good Son

Final spot: #2261 out of 2571.

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