Martyrs (2008)

IMDb plot summary: A young woman's quest for revenge against the people who kidnapped and tormented her as a child leads her and a friend, who is also a victim of child abuse, on a terrifying journey into a living hell of depravity.
Directed by Pascal Laugier. Starring Morjana Alaoui, Mylene Jampanoi, Catherine Begin, and Robert Toupin.

Ooof. So my take on art that is viscerally unpleasant to watch (as this most certainly is) is that it's got to be REALLY worthwhile, it's got to hit me as transcendently great as a reward for sitting through all the awful parts.  And this really isn't. Obviously folks disagree but for me it's like... mediocre at best, which doesn't even begin to climb out of the awful. This just really, really didn't work for me.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Martyrs < Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Martyrs < Funny Face
Martyrs < A Prairie Home Companion
Martyrs > Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
Martyrs < Surf's Up
Martyrs > Evan Almighty
Martyrs > Larry-Boy & the Angry Eyebrows
Martyrs < Baby Take a Bow
Martyrs > Agent Cody Banks
Martyrs < Pride & Prejudice (2005)
Martyrs > Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Final spot: #2800 out of 3072.

The Irishman (2019)

IMDb plot summary: A mob hitman recalls his friend Jimmy Hoffa.
Directed by Martin Scorsese. Starring Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, and Harvey Keitel.

Nobody is ever going to convince me this needed three and a half hours. There are a few good moments here (notably Frank's phone call, and the scene with the priest at the end) but nothing that justifies the immense amount of time we spend building up to it. Even crime stories based in reality follow the same exact predictable beats as every other crime story in existence, and this one doesn't really distinguish itself. I'm just so tired of these movies.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Irishman < Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
The Irishman > Frankenstein
The Irishman < Lust for Love
The Irishman > A Most Wanted Man
The Irishman > How to Deal
The Irishman > The Killing
The Irishman < The Verdict
The Irishman < Goldfinger
The Irishman < The Three Musketeers (1993)
The Irishman > National Treasure: Book of Secrets
The Irishman < Small Time Crooks
Final spot: #1965 out of 3071.

The Hollars (2016)

IMDb plot summary: A man returns to his small hometown after learning that his mother has fallen ill and is about to undergo surgery.
Directed by John Krasinski. Starring Margo Martindale, Sharlto Copley, Richard Jenkins, and John Krasinski.

It's hard to come up with much of anything to even say about this movie. It's like the epitome of awkward heartwarming family comedy dramas. Margo Martindale is great, of course, but when is she not? It also does a good job of juxtaposing the happy with the sad and making it all feel like it adds up to something more meaningful. I don't think it's something I'm going to remember for any amount of time but it was enjoyable to watch.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Hollars > Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
The Hollars < 22 Jump Street
The Hollars < Real Life
The Hollars < Kinky Boots the Musical
The Hollars < The Mistress of Spices
The Hollars < Star Trek: Nemesis
The Hollars > Bolt
The Hollars > Finding Dory
The Hollars > Secret Window
The Hollars > Waxwork
The Hollars < Plan 9 from Outer Space
Final spot: #1490 out of 3070.

Cake (2014)

IMDb plot summary: The acerbic, hilarious Claire Bennett becomes fascinated by the suicide of a woman in her chronic pain support group. As she uncovers the details of Nina's suicide and develops a poignant relationship with Nina's husband, she also grapples with her own, very raw personal tragedy.
Directed by Daniel Barnz. Starring Jennifer Aniston, Adriana Barraza, Anna Kendrick, and Sam Worthington.

This was clearly Jennifer Aniston's "I'm a serious actress" role, and it's a pretty decent one in a kind of muddled movie. It dances around a lot about grief and chronic pain and depression and substance abuse and never quite settles on anything, which gives it an interesting quality of not being about someone turning their life around so much about someone just going through an especially difficult period of grieving and moving on just... normally. There's no major revelation that sticks out above the rest, it's just a series of small things encouraging her to move forward, a little after everyone else has kind of given up on her. I want to like this film, and I allllmost do, but it is messy, and I'll have to keep processing it before I can figure out if it makes sense.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Cake > Tokyo Story
Cake < 22 Jump Street
Cake < Real Life
Cake < Kinky Boots the Musical
Cake > Like Crazy
Cake < Hanna
Cake < Bye Bye Birdie (1995)
Cake > Man on Fire
Cake > Neighbors
Cake > Dumbo
Cake < Imitation of Life (1959)
Final spot: #1418 out of 3069.

Mr. Right (2015)

IMDb plot summary: A girl falls for the "perfect" guy, who happens to have a very fatal flaw: he's a hitman on the run from the crime cartels who employ him.
Directed by Paco Cabezas. Starring Sam Rockwell, Anna Kendrick, Tim Roth, and James Ransone.

Okay, so let's be clear on this right from the get-go: This is a bad movie. It's frequently too quirky for its own good, it gets extremely manic at the weirdest moments, and the script is wildly clunky. And yet it's got kind of a weird charm to it? I think the only thing we can possibly attribute it to is the fact that Anna Kendrick and Sam Rockwell are such intensely charismatic actors that keep me invested in their characters even in nonsense like this. I wish the script was better, because this could have been a little underground hit. Instead, it was fine for a single viewing but I wouldn't watch it again and I certainly wouldn't recommend it to anyone else.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Mr. Right < A Night to Remember
Mr. Right > Captive State
Mr. Right > Ocean's Twelve
Mr. Right < The Autopsy of Jane Doe
Mr. Right < The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Mr. Right < Rio Bravo
Mr. Right > Thoughtcrimes
Mr. Right < My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Mr. Right < Monster
Mr. Right > The Perfect Score
Mr. Right > Stephen King's The Stand
Mr. Right < Sunshine
Final spot: #1889 out of 3068.

The Voices (2014)

IMDb plot summary: A likable guy pursues his office crush with the help of his evil talking pets, but things turn sinister when she stands him up for a date.
Directed by Marjane Satrapi. Starring Ryan Reynolds, Gemma Aterton, Anna Kendrick, and Jacki Weaver.

Oh, man, this one is so dark and weird and sad and funny. Definitely a very distinct flavor, and not one I'd recommend to everyone. It connected with me, though -- Ryan Reynolds' performance is kind of perfect here, in all its confusing messiness.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Voices > Nine Lives
The Voices < The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
The Voices > Ice Age
The Voices > New York Stories
The Voices > How to Train Your Dragon
The Voices < Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation
The Voices < Frankenweenie
The Voices < Diabolique
The Voices > Hannah Arendt
The Voices > In Search of a Midnight Kiss
The Voices < There Will Be Blood
Final spot: #853 out of 3067.

The Bride Wore Black (1968)

IMDb plot summary: Julie Kohler is prevented from suicide by her mother. She leaves the town. She will track down, charm and kill five men who do not know her. What is her goal? What is her purpose?
Directed by François Truffaut. Starring Jeanne Moreau, Michel Bouquet, Jean-Claude Brialy, and Charles Denner.

Well, this is just so much fun. It's a rare French New Wave film that actually feels like something is *happening* during it, and as the murders continue to get even more wildly dramatic, it's clear this must have been one of Quentin Tarantino's influences for Kill Bill. While there's less blood everywhere here, the tone of unchecked revenge is absolutely there, down to the really delightful ending, which is so quiet but builds up so much anticipation that it's satisfying even though you can only hear the events from off-screen. This is great.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Bride Wore Black > Nine Lives
The Bride Wore Black > Kubo and the Two Strings
The Bride Wore Black > Vertigo
The Bride Wore Black < Sleepless in Seattle
The Bride Wore Black < The Fountain
The Bride Wore Black < The Kindergarten Teacher
The Bride Wore Black > Little Miss Sunshine
The Bride Wore Black < The Lady Eve
The Bride Wore Black < The Devil's Backbone
The Bride Wore Black < Nosferatu
The Bride Wore Black > Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans
Final spot: #357 out of 3066.