Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)

IMDb plot summary: A lonely scholar, on a trip to Istanbul, discovers a Djinn who offers her three wishes in exchange for his freedom.

Directed by George Miller. Starring Tilda Swinton, Idris Elba, and Erdil Yasaroglu.

Three Thousand Years of Longing stars Tilda Swinton as a narratologist and Idris Elba as the djinn she accidentally discovers on one of her travels. He tells her about the time he's spent trapped in a bottle and asks her to decide what wishes he can grant for her. George Miller picks such intriguing movies to tackle, and this one is definitely intriguing in light of his overall filmography. It's a softer, more fantastical story than he sometimes tells. It's hard to pinpoint what genre this is exactly, as it sort of dances around between romance and historical fantasy and magical realism, and it makes it equally hard for me to pinpoint how I feel about it. The central characters I find compelling and would happily just watch them discussing life in a hotel room together for a full two hours, and it's when the film steps away from that in the final third that I'm less certain it works. The overall effect is that of a beautifully begun but unfinished story, and as such it's hard for me to wrap my head around my view of it at as a whole.

How it entered my Flickchart:

Three Thousand Years of Longing > Forever Young

Three Thousand Years of Longing < Anna Karenina

Three Thousand Years of Longing < Die Hard

Three Thousand Years of Longing > You Can Count on Me

Three Thousand Years of Longing > Isle of Dogs

Three Thousand Years of Longing < Moonlight

Three Thousand Years of Longing > Death at a Funeral

Three Thousand Years of Longing > Nine Lives

Three Thousand Years of Longing < Kill Bill Vol. 1

Three Thousand Years of Longing > The Imposter

Three Thousand Years of Longing > I, Tonya

Three Thousand Years of Longing > American Outlaws

Final spot: #1470 out of 3746, or 61%.

Laal Singh Chaddha (2022)

IMDb plot summary: Laal Singh Chaddha, a simple man whose extraordinary journey will fill you with love, warmth, happiness and will also make you laugh.

Directed by Advait Chandan. Starring Aamir Khan, Ahmad Ibn Umar, and Kareena Kapoor.

Laal Singh Chaddha is an Indian remake of the 1994 Oscar winner Forrest Gump, following a man with below-average intelligence who ends up doing a series of extraordinary things and making his mark on the world in his search to find what makes him happy. For most of the film, this sticks EXTREMELY close to the original, even down to mimicking the costume design and even some of the exact same shots used to portray specific moments in the '94 film. One of the few significant changes it makes is greatly reducing the amount of voiceover. We still see Laal sharing his story with strangers, but many of the events are shown without commentary, which means we often are drawing our own conclusions about how he feels about what's going on. It has the same disability portrayal that rides the line of being infantilizing (and for some folks goes right over it) and I keep going back and forth on whether this movie does it better or worse than Hanks' portrayal, and I still am not sure. Hanks is hands down more charming, but on the other hand, that's what makes Laal feel like a more plausible character. As a whole, though, the two are so similar that I wouldn't recommend seeing this if you've already seen the other, and vice versa.

How it entered my Flickchart:

Laal Singh Chaddha > Forever Young

Laal Singh Chaddha < Anna Karenina

Laal Singh Chaddha < The Romantics

Laal Singh Chaddha < You Can Count on Me

Laal Singh Chaddha < Summer of Soul

Laal Singh Chaddha > Chasing Amy

Laal Singh Chaddha < The Lost Skeleton Returns Again

Laal Singh Chaddha > Phantom Thread

Laal Singh Chaddha > The Score

Laal Singh Chaddha > The Matrix Reloaded

Laal Singh Chaddha > Space Pirate Captain Harlock

Final spot: #1787 out 3747, or 52%.

Purple Hearts (2022)

IMDb plot summary: In spite of their many differences, Cassie, a struggling singer-songwriter, and Luke, a troubled Marine, agree to marry solely for military benefits. But when tragedy strikes, the line between real and pretend begins to blur.

Directed by Elizabeth Allen Rosenbaum. Starring Sofia Carson, Nicholas Galitzine, and Chosen Jacobs.

Purple Hearts is a romance between a Marine and a musician who enter into a fraudulent marriage because they need the money and the health benefits the military will provide. The two have very different political values and don't even like each other at first, but their relationship grows as they get to know each other better. I know our female lead, Sofia Carson, from her work on the Descendants series, and while this is clearly a "next step" movie for her to get her away from her Disney roots, it still *feels* very much like a Disney Channel movie, particularly in how it uses her character and her musical numbers. It's a very shallow simplified take on the story without any effort put into character development. They set up this whole scenario in which their political views are a huge barrier to a real relationship, and then they just... ignore that entirely and she starts saluting the troops before her music gigs out of nowhere. We don't see nearly enough of an actual relationship built between the pair, just a couple sexual encounters and that apparently changes everything. It's a clumsy romance that doesn't hold up to any scrutiny but isn't fun enough to mindlessly enjoy.

How it entered my Flickcharts:

Purple Hearts < Forever Young

Purple Hearts > Nick Nolte: No Exit

Purple Hearts < She Loves Me

Purple Hearts < It's Complicated

Purple Hearts < After the Thin Man

Purple Hearts < VeggieTales: Are You My Neighbor?

Purple Hearts > The Other Sister

Purple Hearts < The Third Man

Purple Hearts < Loving Annabelle

Purple Hearts < Ulysses

Purple Hearts < Obvious Child

Purple Hearts < In the Line of Fire

Final spot: #2779 out of 3745, or 26%.

Hook, Line and Sinker (1930)

IMDb plot summary: Two fast-talking insurance salesmen meet Mary, who is running away from her wealthy mother, and they agree to help her run a hotel that she owns.

Directed by Edward F. Cline. Starring Bert Wheeler, Robert Woolsey, and Dorothy Lee.

Hook, Line and Sinker is a 1930 comedy about two insurance salesmen who get into the hotel business with a young woman. It goes successfully, until two rival crime gangs decide to break into the hotel safe at the same time. This is the kind of movie that I immediately had to look up to find out if it was a vehicle for the two leads as a comedy team, and it absolutely was; the pair, known professionally as Wheeler & Woolsey, made three other films together in 1930 alone. Their chemistry and fun back-and-forth patter is definitely the foundation of the movie, and it's responsible for most of the laughs. Although the setup is enjoyably farcical, it's the two leads' reactions to it that really sells it. There's not a lot of substance here, but at only 75 minutes long, it doesn't wear out its welcome either. Definitely worth a watch for anyone looking for lesser-known 1930s comedies!

How it entered my Flickchart:

Hook, Line and Sinker > Forever Young

Hook, Line and Sinker < Safe

Hook, Line and Sinker < Die Hard

Hook, Line and Sinker > Fanboys

Hook, Line and Sinker > Interview with the Vampire

Hook, Line and Sinker > Raising Cain

Hook, Line and Sinker < Timecop

Hook, Line and Sinker > Fury

Hook, Line and Sinker > All About My Mother

Hook, Line and Sinker < Poltergeist

Hook, Line and Sinker > Furlough

Final spot: #1438 out of 3744, or 62%.

The Hot Rock (1972)

IMDb plot summary: Dortmunder and his pals plan to steal a huge diamond from a museum. But this turns out to be only the first time they have to steal it...

Directed by Peter Yates. Starring Robert Redford, George Segal, and Ron Leibman.

The Hot Rock stars Robert Redford as a thief released from prison who is immediately thrown into another heist to steal a valuable gem. As complication after complication arises, the man bankrolling the gang's heist becomes impatient and they have to find a way to finish the job. There's a lightheartedness to much of this movie that makes it a little jauntier than some movies in this genre, and that's appreciated. It's billed as a comedy, though it hardly ever leans far enough into that. By far the most interesting thing about it though is that, abruptly, in the last fifteen minutes, a completely ludicrous subplot serves as the deus ex machina saving the day. It's such an unexpected way to resolve the final problem that I laughed out loud when I realized what was happening. But that's probably the only thing I'm going to remember about this movie. I wish more of it had decided to go really "out there" with its comedic choices. It might have stamped it with more of a distinct personality. As it is, it feels a little disjointed.

How it entered my Flickchart:

The Hot Rock < Forever Young

The Hot Rock > Bounce

The Hot Rock < She Loves Me

The Hot Rock > Amen.

The Hot Rock > Grace of Monaco

The Hot Rock < Coraline

The Hot Rock < The Godfather

The Hot Rock > Little Big League

The Hot Rock > Twist of Faith

The Hot Rock < A Time to Kill

The Hot Rock > The Dark Knight Rises

Final spot: #2432 out of 3743, or 35%.

Road Dahl's Matilda the Musical (2022)

IMDb plot summary: An adaptation of the Tony and Olivier award-winning musical. Matilda tells the story of an extraordinary girl who, armed with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination, dares to take a stand to change her story with miraculous results.

Directed by Matthew Warchus. Starring Alisha Weir, Emma Thompson, and Lashana Lynch.

Matilda is... the film version of the stage musical version of the book Matilda by Roald Dahl, about a girl growing up in a neglectful home and school who learns she has supernatural powers. Music and lyrics are by Tim Minchin, and they're pretty wonderful. I saw the original Broadway run of this show on my honeymoon so I definitely have fond memories of it, and this is a pretty decent adaptation. The colors and visual composition in particular are truly stunning, and they really went out of their way to provide plenty of moments for choreography, which was one of the most striking things about the original show. I also love how the film is perfectly happy to match its imaginative songs with fantastical images. It just let it BE a musical, and a silly, over-the-top one at that, but then it hits home with a song like "Quiet" and I'm crying. The movie isn't perfect -- the multiple fat suits are a disappointing and distractingly bad decision -- but so much of the movie serves the story and the music that it's still overall a satisfying viewing. Here's to more filmed versions of great musicals!

How it entered my Flickchart:

Matilda > Forever Young

Matilda > Anna Karenina

Matilda > Secretary

Matilda > Deathtrap

Matilda < The Producers (1968)

Matilda < Sleepless in Seattle

Matilda > Hacksaw Ridge

Matilda < Schindler's List

Matilda > Repulsion

Matilda > Speed

Matilda < Us

Final spot: #192 out of 3742, or 95%.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)

IMDb plot summary: Famed Southern detective Benoit Blanc travels to Greece for his latest case.

Directed by Rian Johnson. Starring Daniel Craig, Edward Norton, and Kate Hudson.

Glass Onion is the sequel to Knives Out, this time putting detective Benoit Blanc on a remote island attending a tech billionaire's elaborate reunion of old friends, trying to figure out why he was invited. I'm usually not a fan of sequels and how they make complete character arcs incomplete, but since the only recurring character between the two films isn't the one who gets the character arc in the first place, it works just fine. And Rian Johnson's done it again. This is beautifully woven together, so carefully crafted, and it definitely scratches the Agatha Christie itch, even more than many actual adaptations of Christie's work. Even better, though, not only does this have a great sense of humor, but Johnson has now twice ended these movies by centering people who usually get screwed over by the system and giving them a big win, and I love it. It's cozy and deeply artistically satisfying at the same time, which I don't feel like I get all that often, particularly in mystery/crime genres. It's an extremely fun watch and definitely a worthy follow up. I'll be there for every movie in this series as long as Blanc never gets an ongoing storyline. He doesn't need it with such rich ensembles as we've gotten so far.

How it entered my Flickchart:

Glass Onion > Vampyr

Glass Onion > Kuroneko

Glass Onion > The White Tiger

Glass Onion < Deathtrap

Glass Onion < Shaolin Soccer

Glass Onion < Eyes Without a Face

Glass Onion > Never Let Me Go

Glass Onion > The Seventh Continent

Glass Onion > Hook

Glass Onion < RRR

Glass Onion > The Parent Trap (1998)

Final spot: #413 out of 3741, or 89%.