Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (1977)

IMDb plot summary: An outcast donkey in Roman era Judea with overlong ears finds his destiny on the way to Bethlehem.
Directed by Jules Bass and Arthur Rankin, Jr. Starring Roger Miller and Brenda Vaccaro.

This is the conversation my fiance and I had at the end of the movie:

Me: So this is pretty much exactly Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Him: But with more awful death.
Me: And completely unexplained resolution.
Him: Yup.

It's rather weird how *wrong* this whole movie is. Its story itself isn't bad - a donkey with freakishly long ears turns out to be the one chosen to carry Mary and the as-yet-unborn baby Jesus to Bethlehem - but everything about the execution was just wrong. Nestor's story is far more awful and cruel at the beginning than fits in a children's movie (for example, his mother freezes to death while lying on top of him to keep him warm), and then it gets ridiculously cheerful for no reason. A cherub shows up, they go skipping through ponds for awhile, he carries baby Jesus with the help of his magically long ears, and then he returns to the stable he came from and... everybody is celebrating him now. Even though they would have no way of knowing that he had done anything special. At all. It's all very weird and very false and certainly not one of the better Rankin & Bass Christmas specials. 1.5 stars.

Flickchart: #1626 out of 1930, below New in Town and above My Friend Irma.

The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974)

IMDb plot summary: Mrs. Claus tells us about the time Santa had a bad cold and decided to take a vacation from Christmas.

Directed by Jules Bass and Arthur Rankin Jr. Starring Shirley Booth and Mickey Rooney.

This is cute and charming enough, and I suspect if I had grown up watching it I'd love it a bit more. The Snow Miser and Heat Miser characters are great fun, Santa is likable (if a bit emo), and even if it gets a bit heavy-handed with the "YOU MUST BELIEVE IN SANTA FOR CHRISTMAS TO WORK" message (gosh, I hate that one) it's pretty fun. 3 stars.

Flickchart: #889 out of 1929, below Remember the Titans and above How to Rob a Bank.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

IMDb plot summary: As Johnny Blaze hides out in Eastern Europe, he is called upon to stop the devil, who is trying to take human form.
Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. Starring Nicolas Cage, Violante Placido, and Ciaran Hinds.

This whole movie is pretty ridiculous. Nicolas Cage is so over-the-top it is impossible not to laugh at him, and the scenes where he is the Ghost Rider are some of the least ominous, least suspenseful moments I've ever seen in an action movie. Thank goodness I watched it with Jacob and was able to make fun of it the whole way through, because I would not have enjoyed it at all otherwise. Granted, I haven't seen the first one, but this doesn't strike me as a series where much continuity is really needed. 1 star.

Flickchart: #1792 out of 1928, below Angels in the Outfield and above Mr. Baseball.

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

IMDb plot summary: After the crew of the Enterprise find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one man weapon of mass destruction.
Directed by J.J. Abrams. Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, and Benedict Cumberbatch.

This is a worthy addition to the Star Trek movie series. It's fun, light-hearted, has plenty of nods to the original series (both movies and TV) and, best of all, my very favorite actor Benedict Cumberbatch is the villain. It's always hard for me to see the Star Trek movies as a movie series and not just long episodes of a TV show, so it's not going to stick with me for a terribly long time, but it was definitely a fun viewing. 3.5 stars.

Flickchart: #724 out of 1927, below 12 Angry Men (1997) and above Lolita (1997).

Cypher (2002)

IMDb plot summary: An unsuspecting, disenchanted man finds himself working as a spy in the dangerous, high-stakes world of corporate espionage. Quickly getting way over-his-head, he teams up with a mysterious femme fatale.
Directed by Vincenzo Natali. Starring Jeremy Northam, Lucy Liu, Nigel Bennett and Timothy Webber.

Oh, this movie was so ridiculous, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think part of that was due to the fact that Jeremy Northam is very likable in it. I was rooting for him the whole way through. The plot gets very silly very quickly, but I can overlook silly in sci fi a lot more easily than I can anything else. If you have a fondness for goofy conspiracy theory sci fi, you'll probably enjoy this too. 3.5 stars.

Flickchart: #847 out of 1926, below Cry-Baby and above Dark City.

John Dies at the End (2012)

IMDb plot summary: A new street drug that sends its users across time and dimensions has one drawback: some people return as no longer human. Can two college dropouts save humankind from this silent, otherworldly invasion?
Directed by Dan Coscarelli. Starring Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, and Paul Giamatti.

I'm not entirely sure what I just watched.

I really, REALLY loved the first half of it. A lot. Its quirky humor brought to mind Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (which I also loved). But then, as the story went on, it got less and less funny and more and more confusing. And it wasn't unfunny BECAUSE it was confusing - I was all prepared for that. The jokes just stopped happening. The quirkiness faded away. And now it was suddenly taking itself weirdly seriously, and it just wasn't funny anymore.

It felt like the writers ran out of ideas halfway through, tossed in a bizarre half-hearted way to wrap it up, didn't both writing any jokes for the second half, and then said, "I guess we're done." I really want to read the book now and see if that gives me the same feel.

This could very possibly be a movie that would grow on me. Like I said, I LOVED the first half of it. If the second half had been as good as the first, I'd have easily given the movie 4 1/2 stars. Unfortunately, though, it ended up being quite a disappointment. 3 stars.

Flickchart: #745 out of 1925, below To Rome With Love and above The Other Boleyn Girl.

The Devil's Backbone (2001)

IMDb plot summary: After Carlos, a 12-year-old whose father has died in the Spanish Civil War, arrives at an ominous boy's orphanage he discovers the school is haunted and has many dark secrets that he must uncover.
Directed by Guillermo del Toro. Starring Fernando Tielve, Íñigo Garcés, Federico Luppi, and Eduardo Noriega.

(A mild spoiler ahead in this review.)


If you loved Pan's Labyrinth but haven't seen this, you're missing out. It's got very much the same feel - the combination of gritty, dark realism and fantasy horror is fascinating. It ends up being a very real ghost story that has one of the most horrifying villains I've seen on film in awhile - and it's not the ghost. A really satisfying watch, and one that I'd highly recommend. 4 stars.

Flickchart: #730 out of 1924, below Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and above Hitchcock.