Legend (1985)

IMDb plot summary: A young man must stop the Lord of Darkness from both destroying daylight and marrying the woman he loves.
Directed by Ridley Scott. Starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry, and David Bennent.

(Note: I watched the slightly longer director's cut version of this by accident, heh, so if I reference something not in the theatrical version, that's what's up.)

I... have no idea how to respond to this movie.

Let's start with the positives. The effects and makeup look *great*. These creatures don't look nearly as hokey as a lot of 1980s fantasy does. And the score is really nice -- very atmospheric. None of the acting is spectacular, but it all serves its purpose nicely, and I'm never going to complain about Tim Curry playing campy.

Now let's discuss the plot.

What the HECK?

This movie is cool to look at but completely incomprehensible. Not for one second did I understand what was going on. An out-of-nowhere ballet sequence suddenly transforms Princess Glitter into her vampire dance partner. One of the goblins speaks only in rhyme for no reason. When Satan is killed, he apparently gets shot into space. When Peter Pan guesses the elf's riddle, the elf turns into Gollum, has a seizure, and dies before suddenly waking back up and being Peter Pan's best friend. Princess Glitter apparently doesn't have a home or a family. Also, why WAS Princess Glitter always covered in glitter? So was Peter Pan, about half the time. Was only one of them glittery initially but then they just made out with each other all the time and it rubbed off on the other?

Almost EVERYTHING that happened made me say -- frequently out loud -- "Wait, what was THAT?"

Story and character are a big deal to me, so it's hard for me to look past something as bizarre as this... even if the movie DID look great. I mean, I'm OK having seen it, and I suspect I'll probably look back on it more fondly than I'm thinking of it now, and it did provide quite a few moments of unintentional "whaaaaat?!" hilarity... but I'm not sure the good makes up much for the ridiculous.

2 stars.

Flickchart: #1230 out of 2123, below Zelig and above Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.