If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (2025)

IMDb plot summary: While trying to manage her own life and career, a woman on the verge of a breakdown must cope with her daughter's illness, an absent husband, a missing person, and an unusual relationship with her therapist.

Directed by Mary Bronstein. Stars Rose Byrne, Conan O'Brien, and Danielle Macdonald.

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You stars Rose Byrne as a truly overwhelmed mother. Her husband's job keeps him away from her for weeks at a time, and she's left having to care for their medically fragile daughter, and she's at the end of her rope. This film is terrifying, claustrophobic, and basically exactly what I imagine motherhood is like. I have never felt so validated in my decision to be childfree. It does a great job of showing how exhaustion and panic can start exaggerating and blurring reality in a really scary way -- there was a large portion of the movie that I was fully convinced was a dream, only for it to be revealed as reality. I also appreciate the choice to not show the daughter's face until the end. It makes it easier for us to empathize with Byrne and feel the overwhelm. The ending seems a bit abrupt and doesn't fully work for me, but I appreciate what it's trying to do. An interesting movie, albeit one I never want to watch again, and a tour de force performance from Rose Byrne.

🎥 If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (2025)

📊 Ranked #1840/4202 on my Flickchart

🎯 Flickscore™: 56

beat Happythankyoumoreplease (#2101 → #2102)

lost to Heathers: The Musical (held at #1039)

lost to Ping Pong Playa (held at #1566)

lost to Swiss Army Man (held at #1837)

beat Malcolm & Marie (#1969 → #1970)

beat My Date with Drew (#1903 → #1904)

beat The Three Musketeers (#1870 → #1871)

beat Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert (#1854 → #1855)

beat Oddity (#1845 → #1846)

beat Splice (#1841 → #1842)

lost to Lord of War (held at #1839)

Dutch (1991)

IMDb plot summary: To get to know his girlfriend's son, a working-class good guy volunteers to pick him up from his prep school, only to learn that he isn't the nicest young man.

Directed by Peter Faiman. Stars Ed O'Neill, Ethan Embry, and JoBeth Williams.

Dutch stars Ed O'Neill as a man dating a divorced woman, and he offers to drive her spoiled son (played by Ethan Randall) home from boarding school for break, to let the two of them bond. Road trip hijinks ensue as the two constantly try to gain the upper hand over the other. This film is written by John Hughes, and when his films work, it's because he engenders empathy for his characters and helps us root for them, but that's nowhere to be found here. I suspect I'm meant to feel a stronger sense of karma as the spoiled kid gets what he "deserves," but he's just a hurting kid, not villainous enough for me to get a kick out of his comeuppance. There aren't a lot of laughs here and even less heart. This is one of the lower points in my Hughes filmography challenge. It's not a particularly long movie, but I felt like I was watching it for decades, because it was so unenjoyable.

🎥 Dutch (1991)

📊 Ranked #3596/4201 on my Flickchart

🎯 Flickscore™: 14

lost to How I Live Now (held at #2099)

lost to The Disappearance of Alice Creed (held at #3153)

beat Father Brown (#3679 → #3680)

lost to Pinocchio (held at #3415)

lost to Freaky Friday (held at #3549)

beat You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger (#3614 → #3615)

lost to The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (held at #3581)

beat Premonition (#3597 → #3598)

lost to Robin Hood: Men in Tights (held at #3589)

lost to Weekend (held at #3593)

lost to The Formula (held at #3595)