The Beach (2000)

IMDb plot summary: Vicenarian Richard travels to Thailand and finds himself in possession of a strange map. Rumours state that it leads to a solitary beach paradise, a tropical bliss. Excited and intrigued, he sets out to find it.
Directed by Danny Boyle. Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Virgine Ledoyen, Guillaume Canet, and Tilda Swinton.

So this is my third of three Danny Boyle movies I've watched lately in preparation for a Danny Boyle rank-a-thon in my Flickcharters Facebook group. Two Boyle movies ago I said of Shallow Grave, "What a strange and fascinating movie," and I wanted to open this review the exact same way before realizing I'd already said it. But it's true of this as well. It's this bizarre movie about... tourism and cults and maybe toxic masculinity (but that might not be on purpose) and while it doesn't always quite hit the lofty heights it's aiming for, it's definitely ambitious. This is the most unlikable I've ever seen Leonardo DiCaprio, and that includes his turn as a racist slave owner in Django Unchained. He's just a monstrous human being here, and watching him get sucked into this weird beach cult is... so interesting. I'm not sure it holds together from beginning to end, but it's sure fun to watch it try.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Beach > The Commitments
The Beach < Husbands and Wives
The Beach < An American Tail
The Beach < The Major and the Minor
The Beach > Blackmail Is My Life
The Beach > The Madness of King George
The Beach > A Separation
The Beach > Going My Way
The Beach < Single White Female
The Beach > Duck Soup
The Beach > To Be or Not to Be (1942)
The Beach > One, Two, Three
Final spot: #1355 out of 3082.

Steve Jobs (2015)

IMDb plot summary: Steve Jobs takes us behind the scenes of the digital revolution, to paint a portrait of the man at its epicenter. The story unfolds backstage at three iconic product launches, ending in 1998 with the unveiling of the iMac.
Directed by Danny Boyle. Starring Michael Fassbender, Kate Winslet, Seth Rogen, and Jeff Daniels.

While The Social Network certainly wasn't the FIRST "difficult genius" movie, I think of it as being an important piece in a trend that led to 2014's The Year of Difficult Men and Longsuffering Women in which every single movie was about that, and I got BURNED OUT. I could happily go the rest of my life without watching another movie about a brilliant businessman/tech guy/scientist/soldier who treats people around him badly but at least his female companion is there to pick up the pieces. Kate Winslet's character here gets especially short shrift, as the third act leads to an abrupt attempt from her to solve Jobs' family problems, solely because SOMEBODY needs to make him solve his problems. And is Danny Boyle trying to redeem Jobs' character at the end by saying, "And once he was nice to his daughter?" when he still treats literally everyone else he interacts with like they're beneath him? I obviously didn't know the real Steve Jobs or how accurate this is, but I hate this character, I don't like seeing him get away with being a turd to people, and this type of character is just like... the least interesting person to center your story around. How much more interesting would this have been from the point of view of literally anyone else in this story? ALL OF IT. ALL THE MORE INTERESTING.

Anyway. Diversify your narratives, people.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Steve Jobs < The Commitments
Steve Jobs > Brokeback Mountain
Steve Jobs < About Last Night...
Steve Jobs < Stormy Weather
Steve Jobs > McCabe & Mrs. Miller
Steve Jobs > Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You?
Steve Jobs < I Remember Mama
Steve Jobs > The Birth of a Nation
Steve Jobs < 12 Days of Terror
Steve Jobs < Talk to Her
Steve Jobs < Teacher's Pet
Steve Jobs > Annie Get Your Gun
Final spot: #2153 out of 3081.

Shallow Grave (1994)

IMDb plot summary: Three friends discover their new flatmate dead but loaded with cash.
Directed by Danny Boyle. Starring Kerry Fox, Christopher Eccleston, Ewan McGregor, and Ken Stott.

What a strange and fascinating movie. Certainly more interesting than a lot of crime movies, thanks to the fascinating dynamics of our trio of lead characters, who start off almost uncomfortably close friends and then find themselves distrusting each other after they commit a crime together. Christopher Eccleston is particularly interesting here, especially with Danny Boyle's excellent directorial choices which put us very much in the heads of his fractured characters.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Shallow Grave > The Commitments
Shallow Grave > Husbands and Wives
Shallow Grave < Chariots of Fire
Shallow Grave < Lovely & Amazing
Shallow Grave < Contagion
Shallow Grave > Sleeping with Other People
Shallow Grave > Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Shallow Grave > The Graduate
Shallow Grave < Key Largo
Shallow Grave < The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
Shallow Grave < The Great Race
Shallow Grave > Kuroneko
Final spot: #684 out of 3080.

Can't Hardly Wait (1998)

IMDb plot summary: Multicharacter teenage comedy about high school graduates with different agenda of life on graduation night.
Directed by Harry Elfont, Deborah Kaplan. Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ethan Embry, Charlie Korsmo, and Lauren Ambrose.

I didn't realize until starting this movie that I apparently thought it was She's All That, another 1990s teen comedy I never saw. But once I started watching it, what it really reminded me of was Dazed and Confused -- an ensemble piece about a bunch of teens graduating high school. It doesn't hit the sincere moments particularly well, but there are lots of little minor moments and characters that are fun. I particularly liked the band that breaks up and reunites over the course of the night. It's an enjoyable but pretty forgettable flick.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Can't Hardly Wait > Frosty the Snowman
Can't Hardly Wait < Husbands and Wives
Can't Hardly Wait < Real Life
Can't Hardly Wait > Absolute Power
Can't Hardly Wait < The Terminal
Can't Hardly Wait > My Week With Marilyn
Can't Hardly Wait < The Stepford Wives (1975)
Can't Hardly Wait > We Need to Talk About Kevin
Can't Hardly Wait > Wide Awake
Can't Hardly Wait > The Call
Can't Hardly Wait > The Wicker Man (1973)
Can't Hardly Wait < The Last Unicorn
Final spot: #1277 out of 3079.

The Outsiders (1983)

IMDb plot summary: The rivalry between two gangs, the poor Greasers and the rich Socs, only heats up when one gang member kills a member of the other.
Directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Starring C. Thomas Howell, Matt Dillon, Ralph Macchio, and Patrick Swayze.

This movie is almost astonishingly faithful to the source material, which I know extremely well since I've taught it multiple times. That sometimes makes this land in an almost uncanny valley area for me, feeling like it's almost the book but not quite. The performances hit both some impressive highs (Matt Dillon) and some unfortunate lows (Rob Lowe). It's a solid adaptation that occasionally falls prey to cheesy moralizing - but the book did too a bit, so it's understandable.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Outsiders > Frosty the Snowman
The Outsiders < Husbands and Wives
The Outsiders > Real Life
The Outsiders < The Pianist
The Outsiders > You Can't Take It With You
The Outsiders < The Exterminating Angel
The Outsiders > Lady Bird
The Outsiders < The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
The Outsiders > The Return of Captain Invincible
The Outsiders < Me and Earl and the Dying Girl
The Outsiders < They Came Together
The Outsiders < The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
Final spot: #1027 out of 3078.

Stolen Kisses (1968)

IMDb plot summary: After being discharged from the army, Antoine Doinel centers a screwball comedy where he applies for different jobs and tries to make sense of his relationships with women.
Directed by François Truffaut. Starring Jean-Pierre Léaud, Delphine Seyrig, Claude Jade, and Michael Lonsdale.

It's been some time since I watched The 400 Blows, and I have not watched Antoine and Colette. It took me a little bit to even realize this was the same character, but it did make me want to go back and watch/rewatch those two. Antoine vacillates for me between being outright unpleasant and being just young and impetuous but not malicious. There are a lot of little moments in this movie that are just perfect -- I absolutely loved the moment where he accidentally called his boss' wife (whom he secretly loves) "sir" by accident and then literally runs away in panicked embarrassment. Such a relatable moment. It definitely feels like a center piece of a story, and usually that's very uninteresting, but this has enough going for it that I didn't mind so much it being a piece of a larger story.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Stolen Kisses > Nothing in Common
Stolen Kisses < Husbands and Wives
Stolen Kisses < Real Life
Stolen Kisses > Kinky Boots the Musical
Stolen Kisses > I Saw the Devil
Stolen Kisses > Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Stolen Kisses > Draft Day
Stolen Kisses > Primal Fear
Stolen Kisses < Away We Go
Stolen Kisses < Gentleman's Agreement
Stolen Kisses > The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Final spot: #1164 out of 3077.

Spirits of the Dead (1968)

IMDb plot summary: Anthology film from three European directors based on stories by Edgar Allan Poe: a cruel princess haunted by a ghostly horse, a sadistic young man haunted by his double, and an alcoholic actor haunted by the Devil.
Directed by Federico Fellini, Louis Malle, and Roger Vadim. Starring Brigitte Bardot, Alain Delon, Jane Fonda, and Terence Stamp.

This is a pretty uneven little anthology, though it does make me want to read the original Poe inspirations for these stories -- it feels like at the heart of each of these films there's a more interesting story being told. The movies lean most heavily into moody gothic atmosphere, which sometimes works but starts wearing thin. While the Fellini segment apparently has the most critical acclaim, I prefer Malle's, though it would have benefited from an even shorter runtime. The gambling scene runs almost painfully long and detracts from a much more interesting bookended plot.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Spirits of the Dead < Nothing in Common
Spirits of the Dead < State Fair
Spirits of the Dead > Giant
Spirits of the Dead > Pinocchio
Spirits of the Dead > The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Spirits of the Dead > Antz
Spirits of the Dead > Deja Vu
Spirits of the Dead < Call Northside 777
Spirits of the Dead > Stardust Memories
Spirits of the Dead > Start the Revolution Without Me
Spirits of the Dead < The Black Stallion
Final spot: #2322 out of 3076.

Bhoot (2003)

IMDb plot summary: When a married couple moves into a flat that is haunted by a spirit, a series of inexplicable experiences drive the wife to near madness. Now, the husband must protect his wife to save their marriage.
Directed by Ram Gopal Varma. Starring Ajay Devgn, Urmila Matondkar, Nana Patekar, and Rekha.

Well, this was clearly an attempt at recreating something like The Exorcist, but with ghosts instead of demons. The emphasis on the physical discomfort of the supernatural torture is allowed to linger so long that it lapses into being boring. It's a strange, messy movie.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Bhoot < Five Graves to Cairo
Bhoot < Funny Face
Bhoot < The Host (2013)
Bhoot > Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
Bhoot < Surf's Up
Bhoot > Evan Almighty
Bhoot > Larry-Boy & the Angry Eyebrows
Bhoot < Stand Up and Cheer!
Bhoot > Agent Cody Banks
Bhoot < Martyrs
Bhoot < Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Bhoot < Snow White and the Huntsman
Final spot: #2805 out of 3075.

Tank (1984)

IMDb plot summary: Sergeant Major Zack arrives at a new army base with his wife, son and Sherman tank. One night at a bar he "stops" a pimp/deputy from beating a girl. The corrupt sheriff uses Zack's son for revenge and Zack uses his tank.
Directed by Marvin J. Chomsky. Starring James Garner, Shirley Jones, C. Thomas Howell, and Mark Herrier.

This is an incredibly silly movie, from the cartoonish characters to the hilariousness of the turning point in the plot halfway through. It was kind of an enjoyably bizarre film that moves along fairly quickly and kept my interest all the way through. The least interesting parts were the moments where people went into moralizing speeches about fatherhood and forgiveness. Nobody is watching this movie for that. People are watching this movie to see a tank car chase.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Tank < The Pursuit of Happyness
Tank > Funny Face
Tank > Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Tank > She Loves Me
Tank > Office Space
Tank > Outbreak
Tank > The Fourth Kind
Tank > Company (2011)
Tank < Laura
Tank < The Princess Diaries
Tank < Inland Empire
Tank > My Blueberry Nights
Final spot: #1548 out of 3074.

Ace High (1968)

IMDb plot summary: A recently-escaped bandit forms an unlikely alliance with two bounty hunters and an acrobat to get revenge against the people who framed him.
Directed by Giuseppe Colizzi. Starring Eli Wallach, Terence Hill, Brock Peters, and Kevin McCarthy.

There were ever so many westerns released in 1968, but at least this one has a slightly lighter touch than most of them, giving it more the vibe of a heist movie than anything else. While I wish we got to know anything about most of our main characters, Eli Wallach has an incredibly disarming sort of charm, and I rooted for him the whole way. The final scene is very satisfying. Pretty decent for what is approximately my millionth western from this year.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Ace High < Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Ace High > Frankenstein
Ace High > Scotland, PA
Ace High > Freaks
Ace High < The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Ace High > The Cruise
Ace High > The Whole Nine Yards
Ace High > Splash
Ace High < Convict 13
Ace High > Bee Movie
Ace High < The Resurrection of Gavin Stone
Final spot: #1642 out of 3073.

Martyrs (2008)

IMDb plot summary: A young woman's quest for revenge against the people who kidnapped and tormented her as a child leads her and a friend, who is also a victim of child abuse, on a terrifying journey into a living hell of depravity.
Directed by Pascal Laugier. Starring Morjana Alaoui, Mylene Jampanoi, Catherine Begin, and Robert Toupin.

Ooof. So my take on art that is viscerally unpleasant to watch (as this most certainly is) is that it's got to be REALLY worthwhile, it's got to hit me as transcendently great as a reward for sitting through all the awful parts.  And this really isn't. Obviously folks disagree but for me it's like... mediocre at best, which doesn't even begin to climb out of the awful. This just really, really didn't work for me.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Martyrs < Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Martyrs < Funny Face
Martyrs < A Prairie Home Companion
Martyrs > Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
Martyrs < Surf's Up
Martyrs > Evan Almighty
Martyrs > Larry-Boy & the Angry Eyebrows
Martyrs < Baby Take a Bow
Martyrs > Agent Cody Banks
Martyrs < Pride & Prejudice (2005)
Martyrs > Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Final spot: #2800 out of 3072.

The Irishman (2019)

IMDb plot summary: A mob hitman recalls his friend Jimmy Hoffa.
Directed by Martin Scorsese. Starring Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, and Harvey Keitel.

Nobody is ever going to convince me this needed three and a half hours. There are a few good moments here (notably Frank's phone call, and the scene with the priest at the end) but nothing that justifies the immense amount of time we spend building up to it. Even crime stories based in reality follow the same exact predictable beats as every other crime story in existence, and this one doesn't really distinguish itself. I'm just so tired of these movies.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Irishman < Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
The Irishman > Frankenstein
The Irishman < Lust for Love
The Irishman > A Most Wanted Man
The Irishman > How to Deal
The Irishman > The Killing
The Irishman < The Verdict
The Irishman < Goldfinger
The Irishman < The Three Musketeers (1993)
The Irishman > National Treasure: Book of Secrets
The Irishman < Small Time Crooks
Final spot: #1965 out of 3071.

The Hollars (2016)

IMDb plot summary: A man returns to his small hometown after learning that his mother has fallen ill and is about to undergo surgery.
Directed by John Krasinski. Starring Margo Martindale, Sharlto Copley, Richard Jenkins, and John Krasinski.

It's hard to come up with much of anything to even say about this movie. It's like the epitome of awkward heartwarming family comedy dramas. Margo Martindale is great, of course, but when is she not? It also does a good job of juxtaposing the happy with the sad and making it all feel like it adds up to something more meaningful. I don't think it's something I'm going to remember for any amount of time but it was enjoyable to watch.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Hollars > Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
The Hollars < 22 Jump Street
The Hollars < Real Life
The Hollars < Kinky Boots the Musical
The Hollars < The Mistress of Spices
The Hollars < Star Trek: Nemesis
The Hollars > Bolt
The Hollars > Finding Dory
The Hollars > Secret Window
The Hollars > Waxwork
The Hollars < Plan 9 from Outer Space
Final spot: #1490 out of 3070.

Cake (2014)

IMDb plot summary: The acerbic, hilarious Claire Bennett becomes fascinated by the suicide of a woman in her chronic pain support group. As she uncovers the details of Nina's suicide and develops a poignant relationship with Nina's husband, she also grapples with her own, very raw personal tragedy.
Directed by Daniel Barnz. Starring Jennifer Aniston, Adriana Barraza, Anna Kendrick, and Sam Worthington.

This was clearly Jennifer Aniston's "I'm a serious actress" role, and it's a pretty decent one in a kind of muddled movie. It dances around a lot about grief and chronic pain and depression and substance abuse and never quite settles on anything, which gives it an interesting quality of not being about someone turning their life around so much about someone just going through an especially difficult period of grieving and moving on just... normally. There's no major revelation that sticks out above the rest, it's just a series of small things encouraging her to move forward, a little after everyone else has kind of given up on her. I want to like this film, and I allllmost do, but it is messy, and I'll have to keep processing it before I can figure out if it makes sense.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Cake > Tokyo Story
Cake < 22 Jump Street
Cake < Real Life
Cake < Kinky Boots the Musical
Cake > Like Crazy
Cake < Hanna
Cake < Bye Bye Birdie (1995)
Cake > Man on Fire
Cake > Neighbors
Cake > Dumbo
Cake < Imitation of Life (1959)
Final spot: #1418 out of 3069.

Mr. Right (2015)

IMDb plot summary: A girl falls for the "perfect" guy, who happens to have a very fatal flaw: he's a hitman on the run from the crime cartels who employ him.
Directed by Paco Cabezas. Starring Sam Rockwell, Anna Kendrick, Tim Roth, and James Ransone.

Okay, so let's be clear on this right from the get-go: This is a bad movie. It's frequently too quirky for its own good, it gets extremely manic at the weirdest moments, and the script is wildly clunky. And yet it's got kind of a weird charm to it? I think the only thing we can possibly attribute it to is the fact that Anna Kendrick and Sam Rockwell are such intensely charismatic actors that keep me invested in their characters even in nonsense like this. I wish the script was better, because this could have been a little underground hit. Instead, it was fine for a single viewing but I wouldn't watch it again and I certainly wouldn't recommend it to anyone else.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Mr. Right < A Night to Remember
Mr. Right > Captive State
Mr. Right > Ocean's Twelve
Mr. Right < The Autopsy of Jane Doe
Mr. Right < The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Mr. Right < Rio Bravo
Mr. Right > Thoughtcrimes
Mr. Right < My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Mr. Right < Monster
Mr. Right > The Perfect Score
Mr. Right > Stephen King's The Stand
Mr. Right < Sunshine
Final spot: #1889 out of 3068.

The Voices (2014)

IMDb plot summary: A likable guy pursues his office crush with the help of his evil talking pets, but things turn sinister when she stands him up for a date.
Directed by Marjane Satrapi. Starring Ryan Reynolds, Gemma Aterton, Anna Kendrick, and Jacki Weaver.

Oh, man, this one is so dark and weird and sad and funny. Definitely a very distinct flavor, and not one I'd recommend to everyone. It connected with me, though -- Ryan Reynolds' performance is kind of perfect here, in all its confusing messiness.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Voices > Nine Lives
The Voices < The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
The Voices > Ice Age
The Voices > New York Stories
The Voices > How to Train Your Dragon
The Voices < Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation
The Voices < Frankenweenie
The Voices < Diabolique
The Voices > Hannah Arendt
The Voices > In Search of a Midnight Kiss
The Voices < There Will Be Blood
Final spot: #853 out of 3067.

The Bride Wore Black (1968)

IMDb plot summary: Julie Kohler is prevented from suicide by her mother. She leaves the town. She will track down, charm and kill five men who do not know her. What is her goal? What is her purpose?
Directed by François Truffaut. Starring Jeanne Moreau, Michel Bouquet, Jean-Claude Brialy, and Charles Denner.

Well, this is just so much fun. It's a rare French New Wave film that actually feels like something is *happening* during it, and as the murders continue to get even more wildly dramatic, it's clear this must have been one of Quentin Tarantino's influences for Kill Bill. While there's less blood everywhere here, the tone of unchecked revenge is absolutely there, down to the really delightful ending, which is so quiet but builds up so much anticipation that it's satisfying even though you can only hear the events from off-screen. This is great.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Bride Wore Black > Nine Lives
The Bride Wore Black > Kubo and the Two Strings
The Bride Wore Black > Vertigo
The Bride Wore Black < Sleepless in Seattle
The Bride Wore Black < The Fountain
The Bride Wore Black < The Kindergarten Teacher
The Bride Wore Black > Little Miss Sunshine
The Bride Wore Black < The Lady Eve
The Bride Wore Black < The Devil's Backbone
The Bride Wore Black < Nosferatu
The Bride Wore Black > Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans
Final spot: #357 out of 3066.