Lazer Team (2015)

IMDb plot summary: Four losers are thrust into the position of saving the world when they stumble upon a UFO crash site and become genetically equipped to the battle suit on board.
Directed by Matt Hullum. Starring Burnie Burns, Gavin Free, Michael Jones, and Colton Dunn.

Well, this is silly and ridiculous. Most of the time it's in a fun way, like watching a bunch of friends that goof off together, but it never works much beyond that. A lot of the jokes are pretty juvenile and I enjoy it because everyone involved seems to be having a blast, but I think there's a much stronger film that could be made out of this one. The attempts at character development were pretty awkward and didn't really do much (though I super sympathized with what's-his-face who was supposed to be the actual hero -- I kinda wish the entire movie had JUST been his story).

I also found myself hugely missing a female presence in this movie. There are a grand total of two women here, and both of them are primarily used as the center of uncomfortable "teehee, they're hot" jokes (one is literally credited as "Beautiful Scientist"). I'm so used to male-led action movies that I typically just roll my eyes and move on at this, but this time it grated on me a little. Bringing a bit more gender diversity to the character line-up would definitely have been a smart move that would have made for a more well-rounded movie.

Overall, I'm very back and forth on this one. Parts of it worked, parts of it didn't. It had a lot of potential but didn't quite live up to it.

2.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Lazer Team < Death at a Funeral (2007)
Lazer Team > Secondhand Lions
Lazer Team > Over the Hedge
Lazer Team > Joe Versus the Volcano
Lazer Team < The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer
Lazer Team > Hysteria
Lazer Team < The Room
Lazer Team > Bunraku
Lazer Team > Rigoletto
Lazer Team > The Big Sleep
Lazer Team < A Star Is Born (1954)
Final spot: #1404 out of 2600.

Gone Girl (2014)

IMDb plot summary: With his wife's disappearance having become the focus of an intense media circus, a man sees the spotlight turned on him when it's suspected that he may not be innocent.
Directed by David Fincher. Starring Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike, Neil Patrick Harris, and Tyler Perry.

(Some spoilers ahead.)

When I first read the book Gone Girl, I felt astonished and riveted. It hit the halfway mark and I couldn't put it down. I felt a similar sense of intrigue watching Fincher's adaptation, even though I already knew the plot points to come, and the final few minutes hit me here much harder than they did in the book, where it felt slightly anticlimactic. I think the film does a surprisingly good job of bringing us into the mindset of two extremely cryptic and unlikable characters. Ben Affleck is typically not an actor I am impressed by, but this is a great role for him, and he nails it. Rosamund Pike is equally good. Overall, a well-done adaptation, though I wonder whether I'd be raving more about it if I'd seen this version before reading the book, which really did blow my mind.

4 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Gone Girl > About Last Night...
Gone Girl > Tropic Thunder
Gone Girl < The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Gone Girl < The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
Gone Girl > Young Adult
Gone Girl < Hidden Figures
Gone Girl > Cheaper by the Dozen (1950)
Gone Girl > Fences
Gone Girl > The Hand That Rocks the Cradle
Gone Girl > Hoodwinked!

Final spot: #529 out of 2598.

Jack Goes Boating (2010)

IMDb plot summary: A limo driver's blind date sparks a tale of love, betrayal, friendship, and grace centered around two working-class New York City couples.
Directed by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Ryan, John Ortiz, and Daphne Rubin-Vega.

(Very minor spoilers ahead.)

This movie builds very, very slowly, so slowly I didn't even realize how invested I was until the end of the movie rolled around and I found myself almost crying at how satisfying I found the final few shots. I didn't realize this was directed by Philip Seymour Hoffman, but it makes sense, because it embodies so many of the things I always loved about his performances, bringing out the humanity of characters that might easily be overlooked in most Hollywood films. Both Hoffman and Amy Ryan are really excellent here. (The more I see of Ryan as a dramatic actress after only knowing her from The Office, the more I like her.) It reminded me in an odd way of the musical Company, a man trying to figure out what relationships should look like partly by looking at his friends' messed-up relationships and ultimately deciding it's worth it anyway. I feel like this is one that could grow on me and become, eventually, even a comfort movie.

4 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Jack Goes Boating > The 5th Wave
Jack Goes Boating > The Impossible
Jack Goes Boating < The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Jack Goes Boating < The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
Jack Goes Boating > The Grapes of Wrath
Jack Goes Boating > The Cranes Are Flying
Jack Goes Boating < A Streetcar Named Desire
Jack Goes Boating > Hard Candy
Jack Goes Boating > Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
Jack Goes Boating > Robot and Frank
Jack Goes Boating < Persepolis

Final spot: #509 out of 2597.

Upstream Color (2013)

IMDb plot summary: A man and woman are drawn together, entangled in the life cycle of an ageless organism. Identity becomes an illusion as they struggle to assemble the loose fragments of wrecked lives.
Directed by Shane Carruth. Starring Amy Seimetz, Shane Carruth, Andrew Sensenig, and Thiago Martins.

I thought Shane Carruth's previous film, Primer, was fun and interesting but needlessly difficult to figure out. Maybe not needlessly -- those who loved it more than I did seemed to get special enjoyment out of rewatching it again and again to figure out what exactly was going on. They might like this one even more, because this reaches Donnie Darko levels of "What? How on EARTH were we supposed to figure out that was the answer?" But in Donnie Darko, the characters are arresting and the interactions are fun to watch even if you haven't the faintest idea what's happening. Here, we have no special attachment to the characters, since right from the beginning we distrust their experiences and everything they go through is potentially meaningless. I kind of get what he was trying to do with the tone of the movie, but I think the funky mythology he created would have been far more interesting if we'd actually learned about it and not just had it silently hinted at us in a way we couldn't possibly be expected to follow. Not everything is improved if you turn it into a puzzle.

1 star.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Upstream Color < The 5th Wave
Upstream Color < Top Gun
Upstream Color > Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Upstream Color > Winter Passing
Upstream Color < The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947)
Upstream Color > The Lone Ranger (2013)
Upstream Color > The People vs. Larry Flynt
Upstream Color > The Devil Inside
Upstream Color < Antichrist
Upstream Color > The Forgotten
Upstream Color > Flightplan

Final spot: #2034 out of 2595.

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

IMDb plot summary: An adaptation of the Disney fairy tale about a monstrous-looking prince and a young woman who fall in love.
Directed by Bill Condon. Starring Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Luke Evans, and Josh Gad.

I have thought more about Beauty and the Beast than anyone I know. I have deeply analyzed these characters I love so much, dissected how the various themes play out, and vehemently defended it to people who don't realize that it's so clearly the best Disney movie out there. So it had a lot to live up to, and it only halfway measured up.

The musical numbers are what holds this adaptation together. Aside from several meaningless 30-second songs and anything where Emma Watson sings, the songs look and sound great. "Be Our Guest" and "The Mob Song" are two especially great sequences that really make the whole movie look better in comparison. Where the movie fails is in embracing the understated nature of the original story. It attempts to shoehorn in several more dramatic subplots and overplay everything that's already there. This is exhausting and ultimately undercuts the actual themes because we're never given the time they need to breathe. A stronger script more confident in its relational drama would have been a huge asset to this film. Not a bad movie, but it pales in comparison to the near-perfect original.

3.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Beauty and the Beast > The 5th Wave
Beauty and the Beast > The Impossible
Beauty and the Beast < The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Beauty and the Beast < The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
Beauty and the Beast < The Grapes of Wrath
Beauty and the Beast > Borat
Beauty and the Beast < Four Lions
Beauty and the Beast < Mad Max: Fury Road
Beauty and the Beast > Marty
Beauty and the Beast > Band of Robbers
Beauty and the Beast > Notting Hill

Final spot: #598 out of 2596.

Ghost (1990)

IMDb plot summary: After a young man is murdered, his spirit stays behind to warn his lover of impending danger, with the help of a reluctant psychic.
Directed by Jerry Zucker. Starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg, and Tony Goldwyn.

Somehow this weird little supernatural romance drama has slipped by me all these years. Now that I've seen it, I'm mostly just "meh" on it. By far Whoopi Goldberg's character is the most compelling of the leads, and the scenes where she has to deal with being able to hear Sam's ghost are great, second only to the angry subway ghost. Patrick Swayze is NOT good in this, though he's not helped by several extreme close-ups lingering on his face when contorted in extreme "emotion." You can almost see him thinking, "Look sad. Now LOOK SADDER." Because the romantic leads are never truly fleshed out, it's hard to connect to their turmoil when they're ripped apart from each other, making it all kind of underwhelming, even when it does work as a concept. Frankly, I wish we'd had a lot more interaction with the other ghosts and less going back to the eternally bland Swayze and Moore.

2.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Ghost < About Last Night...
Ghost > Top Gun
Ghost > Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
Ghost > How to Rob a Bank
Ghost < The Pajama Game
Ghost > Drive
Ghost > How to Deal
Ghost > Where the Red Fern Grows
Ghost < Yankee Doodle Dandy
Ghost > Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ghost < Sisters

Final spot: #1385 out of 2594.

Band of Robbers (2015)

IMDb plot summary: Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn are grown men, still searching for the hidden treasure that has eluded them since childhood.
Directed by Aaron Nee and Adam Nee. Starring Kyle Gallner, Adam Nee, Matthew Gray Gubler, and Melissa Benoist.

This is a variation on the Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn story I've never seen before, and it's strangely charming. There's an almost cartoonish quality to the adventure, with Huck acting as a more grounded dose of reality. His and Becky's are the only actions that seem truly logical, and while that could be a flaw, it really helps to build the tone of this movie. The actors really help to sell the goofiness, and, as a whole, it works. It bears very little resemblance to most other adaptations of these stories, but it's entertaining.

3.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Band of Robbers > Candy
Band of Robbers > The Impossible
Band of Robbers < Benny & Joon
Band of Robbers < The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
Band of Robbers > Borat
Band of Robbers < Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Band of Robbers < Mad Max: Fury Road
Band of Robbers > World War Z
Band of Robbers > Crossing Delancey
Band of Robbers < Notting Hill

Final spot: #600 out of 2592.

God's Not Dead 2 (2016)

IMDb plot summary: When a high school teacher is asked a question in class about Jesus, her response lands her in deep trouble.
Directed by Harold Cronk. Starring Melissa Joan Hart, Jesse Metcalfe, David A.R. White, and Hayley Orrantinia.

Well, yeah, this was about what I thought it would be. It borrows some of its awfulness from the first film. I do mean this literally, as there are multiple subplots that are almost identical to those of the original. I also mean this thematically, however, as both of these movies follow a specific, very distressing, pattern: Paint the enemy in the most ridiculous, hyperbolic, cartoonishly evil light, and then anything the Christian says will be reasonable and self-evident in comparison. But this is a terrible, and, I'd argue, anti-Christian, way to frame a story like this. It means this movie is not to convert the unsaved (who could possibly see themselves in the non-Christians in these movies?!), nor is it to give Christians a road map on how to deal with those who oppose their religion (it's highly unlikely a Christian will EVER run into such clear-cut villains). All it does is hype up the sense of paranoia and victimization that I already think is negatively affecting American Christianity. It allows the Christian viewer to feel smug about how reasonable their own point of view is. Well, yes, it is reasonable here, but not because their point of view is objectively correct, but because the other side is overtly malicious in every way.

Just like the first film, this makes me actively angry. Poorly-written, badly-acted, super-awkward Christian films with a good heart (talking to you, Kendrick brothers) I can tolerate. Poorly-written, badly-acted, super-awkward Christian films that encourage us to think the worst of our non-Christian neighbors I cannot. This is a narrative that I believe is damaging to our faith and antithetical to the way Scripture commands us to think of others. It fails to tell a competent story AND it fails to uphold the faith. There's nothing good to be found here.

Oh, I guess I should say some more about the movie itself besides the awful message it sends out. It's simultaneously more boring and more haphazard than the first movie. The evil lawyer is the most interesting character because he has a little personality. Every subplot stolen from the first film has no purpose (probably because they were actually solved already and brought back this time for no reason). The attempts at Christian apologetics make zero sense in the context of the story and are therefore even more cringey than in the original, as it's more clearly a lecture for the audience. So, back to my original point: Nothing good to be found here.

0.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
God's Not Dead 2 < Candy
God's Not Dead 2 < The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
God's Not Dead 2 < Dracula (1931)
God's Not Dead 2 < The World is Not Enough (1999)
God's Not Dead 2 < American Gangster
God's Not Dead 2 < The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things
God's Not Dead 2 < Alvin and the Chipmunks
God's Not Dead 2 < Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
God's Not Dead 2 < The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
God's Not Dead 2 < The Pacifier
God's Not Dead 2 > Mallrats
Final spot: #2592 out of 2593.

The Cranes Are Flying (1957)

IMDb plot summary: Veronica plans a rendezvous with her lover, Boris, at the bank of river, only for him to be drafted into World War II shortly thereafter.
Directed by Mikhail Kalatozov. Starring Tatyana Samoylova, Aleksey Batalov, Vasiliy Merkurev, and Aleksandr Shvorin.

I hadn't even heard of this film before the Flickcharters Facebook group chose it as a group movie watch for the month. It's really a lovely movie, though. It takes a very human story and tells it in a simple but captivating way. I was most struck by the *look* of the film. More than a few times I just found myself thinking, "That is a really beautiful shot." The almost dreamy cinematography brings home the tragedy and the sadness of a relationship torn apart by war, and it does it well. I don't have much else to say about it other than that it touched me and I'm glad I saw it.

4 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
The Cranes Are Flying > The 5th Wave
The Cranes Are Flying > The Butler
The Cranes Are Flying < Benny & Joon
The Cranes Are Flying < The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
The Cranes Are Flying > What's Eating Gilbert Grape
The Cranes Are Flying > Hoodwinked!
The Cranes Are Flying < A Streetcar Named Desire
The Cranes Are Flying < Hard Candy
The Cranes Are Flying < Hairspray Live!
The Cranes Are Flying < Center Stage
The Cranes Are Flying < Shakespeare Behind Bars
The Cranes Are Flying < We're Not Married!

Final spot: #527 out of 2591.

Table 19 (2017)

IMDb plot summary: Ex-maid of honor Eloise, having been relieved of her duties after being unceremoniously dumped by the best man via text, decides to attend the wedding anyway only to find herself seated with 5 "random" guests at the dreaded Table 19.
Directed by Jeffrey Blitz. Starring Anna Kendrick, June Squibb, Craig Robinson, and Lisa Kudrow.

The more poorly-scripted movies like this I see, the more I'm impressed by movies like The Breakfast Club that do this kind of thing well. In the first five minutes, you can see exactly the kind of film this is trying to be -- a group of outcasts come together, learn about themselves, learn about each other, and end up better people. The problem is that this is poorly written. A good drama like this will have dialogue and performances so perfect that each turns feels like a completely natural progression. In contrast, each turn here feels off and unlikely and uncomfortable. Characters are awkward and stiff with no reason to be, or they suddenly befriend someone next to them with no justification, or they reveal something about themselves when there's zero indication that makes sense for who they are as a character. In the film's second half it seems at least a tad more realistic when half of the characters are a little stoned, but overall it's a disappointingly written little piece. It was probably never going to be great, but it definitely didn't accomplish what it set out to do.

Edit: OK, I just found out this was written by the Duplasses. WHAT. They are usually significantly better than this, right? I remember liking Jeff Who Lives at Home. What happened here?

1.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Table 19 < Silent Hill
Table 19 > Top Gun
Table 19 < Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
Table 19 < Spider-Man 3
Table 19 > Blow
Table 19 < The Three Faces of Eve
Table 19 < Mud
Table 19 > A Scanner Darkly
Table 19 > Doc Hollywood
Table 19 < The Ladykillers (1955)

Final spot: #1846 out of 2590.

Red Carpet (2014)

IMDb plot summary: Adult movie director Jung-Woo dreams of working as a regular commercial film director. Eun-Soo is a commercial film actress, who began her career when she was a child. After Jung-Woo meets Eun-Soo he faces enormous changes in his life.
Directed by Park Bum-Soo. Starring Kye Sang Yoon, Koh Joon-Hee, Jeong-se Oh, and Dal-hwan Jo.

This is the cutest, sweetest movie I could imagine being made about the porn industry. The central characters are all so likable and so easy to root for, and the tangled web of rom com coincidences that keep them apart are contrived enough to be silly but grounded enough in the character that we buy it. I especially liked how, while the tone overall stayed just light and sweet, we got occasional moments of much bigger, broader comedy that really worked. I really want to check out more of Kye Sang Yoon's work especially now; he plays a quintessential leading man for a rom com, hitting all the right notes as a lovelorn director who can't get his non-porn filmmaking career off the ground. A really lovely movie that I'm glad I unearthed.

4 stars.


This movie is not on Flickchart yet. I have submitted it and will update when I have an opportunity to rank it.

Tokyo Story (1953)

IMDb plot summary: An old couple visit their children and grandchildren in the city; but the children have little time for them.
Directed by Yasujirô Ozu. Starring Chishû Ryû, Chieko Higashiyama, Setsuko Hara, and Haruko Sugimura.

This was my first Ozu movie, though I had watched a video about his filmmaking style only a month or two ago. His usage of camera is certainly distinct, though it had an odd connotation for me, as watching people speak directly into the camera at me primarily reminded me of computer games like Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Detective and Oregon Trail 2 where you interview characters along the way. Unique camera placement aside, I thought this was a pleasant story. The characters were distinct and interesting to watch interacting with each other. It was a bit *too* quiet for me to love, although I appreciate what it's doing. I didn't feel any sense of resolution at the end, it just kind of finished. That's not a huge knock against it or anything, but it's probably going to land among other movies that I thought were good but couldn't conjure up any really fond feeling toward.

3 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Tokyo Story > Paper Moon
Tokyo Story < The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness
Tokyo Story < Hamlet (1990)
Tokyo Story > The Hangover
Tokyo Story < V for Vendetta
Tokyo Story < October Sky
Tokyo Story > Splash
Tokyo Story < Memoirs of a Geisha
Tokyo Story < Clueless
Tokyo Story < Sunday in the Park with George
Tokyo Story < The Matador
Tokyo Story < Letters from Iwo Jima

Final spot: #1112 out of 2589.

Before I Fall (2017)

IMDb plot summary: February 12 is just another day in Sam's charmed life until it turns out to be her last. Stuck reliving her last day over one inexplicable week, Sam untangles the mystery around her death and discovers everything she's in danger of losing.
Directed by Ry Russo-Young. Starring Zoey Deutch, Halston Sage, Logan Miller, and Kian Lawley.

I can almost promise you this movie is going to be out of my mind entirely by next week. It's a nice premise, but it ultimately ends up being a sloppily-executed sentimental teen version of Groundhog Day. While Groundhog Day was funny enough that you didn't mind too much that the main character was a jerk, it is very difficult to find a bright spot in the first 30 minutes of this movie, when our main characters are almost (but not) comically horrible. Then the main idea of this movie kicks in and the cheesy moral lessons kick in. There are one or two moments in this movie that are kind of interesting to watch, but overall it gets bogged down in nonsense. It does make me want to read the book, though, which I sense could be significantly better. But so far 2017 is 0 for 2 on good YA sci-fi movies.

1.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Before I Fall < The Fifth Wave
Before I Fall > Top Gun
Before I Fall < The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Before I Fall < Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
Before I Fall > Spider-Man 3
Before I Fall < The Chalk Garden
Before I Fall < Are You My Neighbor?
Before I Fall < Thoroughly Modern Millie
Before I Fall < The Whole Nine Yards
Before I Fall > Swingers
Before I Fall < Buddy Buddy

Final spot: #1773 out of 2588.

Get Out (2017)

IMDb plot summary: A young African-American man visits his Caucasian girlfriend's mysterious family estate.
Directed by Jordan Peele. Starring Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Catherine Keener, and Bradley Whitford.

(Very minor spoilers ahead.)

I saw the trailer for this back in December but knew nothing about it before then. I remember thinking, "That looks amazing. I have to make sure and see it." It lived up to its expectations -- a smart, scary horror movie. It does a wonderful job of building a creepy atmosphere long before anything overtly scary happens, which means when the pay off *does* kick in, it's well-earned. One of the things I've always thought was fascinating about horror movies was how so many of them tap into cultural fears, and this does that perfectly, especially in light of the Black Lives Matter movement. While this is, admittedly, an over-the-top look at the dangers of being black in today's America, it makes this an interesting and thoughtful flick that is also extremely entertaining. Way to go, Jordan Peele. Make more movies.

4 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Get Out > Paper Moon
Get Out > The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness
Get Out < Benny & Joon
Get Out < Nativity!
Get Out > What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Get Out > Hoodwinked!
Get Out > Mr. Brooks
Get Out < The Goodbye Girl (2004)
Get Out > Dark Passage
Get Out < Collateral

Final spot: #500 out of 2587.

Hidden Figures (2016)

IMDb plot summary: The story of a team of African-American women mathematicians who served a vital role in NASA during the early years of the US space program.
Directed by Theodore Melfi. Starring Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae, and Kevin Costner.

This is a very solid, well-put-together movie that somehow doesn't have any staying power for me. I think part of it is that the story is so clearly Katherine's even as it's pitched as being all of theirs. I think part of it is that every single moment of the script and the performances are formulaic, even if it's all in ways that are consistent. It just means there aren't any surprises along the way. It plays out and looks and feels exactly the way you expect, and while I'm happy to go along on the ride, at the end of the day I don't connect to it the way I expected to, and that's a shame, because it's a great and important story. Still definitely worth a watch (from an educational standpoint at the very least), and it's a good time even if it doesn't thrill.

3.5 stars.

How it entered my Flickchart:
Hidden Figures > Paper Moon
Hidden Figures > La jetee
Hidden Figures < Breakfast at Tiffany's
Hidden Figures < What We Do in the Shadows
Hidden Figures > What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Hidden Figures > Hoodwinked!
Hidden Figures < Persepolis
Hidden Figures < Hard Candy
Hidden Figures < Hairspray Live!
Hidden Figures < Match Point
Hidden Figures < Center Stage
Hidden Figures < Shakespeare Behind Bars

Final spot: #525 out of 2586, which is too high because Hoodwinked! is too high. Ah well.